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I gently waggled the jade filigree handle of the exquisite instrument of ruin. 'The monarch who gave me that would appreciate its fate!'

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I gently waggled the jade filigree handle of the exquisite instrument of ruin. 'The monarch who gave me that would appreciate its fate!'

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'Do that again and I start my own 'tec agency.' I can stand much, but I am flesh and like anyone I cannot abide wanton cruelty to art.

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'Do that again and I start my own 'tec agency.' I can stand much, but I am flesh and like anyone I cannot abide wanton cruelty to art.

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'Keep you in temper!' I only have my quick wits to thank that I still own two ears. Instead of flesh the rapier gashed a Whistler nocturne.

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'Keep you in temper!' I only have my quick wits to thank that I still own two ears. Instead of flesh the rapier gashed a Whistler nocturne.

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'That's an awful catchphrase.'I hated how he could read me like a big print edition of a kid's first ABC.Stung,N flung a silver paperknife.

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'That's an awful catchphrase.'I hated how he could read me like a big print edition of a kid's first ABC.Stung,N flung a silver paperknife.

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He frowned. 'But how did you know what I was thinking?' 'My reputation, Albert, my reputation! Stop sidetracking. The missive. Thoughts?'

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He frowned. 'But how did you know what I was thinking?' 'My reputation, Albert, my reputation! Stop sidetracking. The missive. Thoughts?'

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How it was all your fault? Seems -you're going to laugh! - a hundred years of manipulated data wasn't a sound foundation for a cogent case!

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How it was all your fault? Seems -you're going to laugh! - a hundred years of manipulated data wasn't a sound foundation for a cogent case!

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When the flag-burning began I was grateful I'd donated anonymously. 'I forgave you aforetime,' N murmured. 'And the Museum hasn't twigged.

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When the flag-burning began I was grateful I'd donated anonymously. 'I forgave you aforetime,' N murmured. 'And the Museum hasn't twigged.

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When the flag-burning began I was grateful I'd donated anonymously. 'I forgave you aforetime,' N murmured. 'And the Museum hasn't twigged.'

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When the flag-burning began I was grateful I'd donated anonymously. 'I forgave you aforetime,' N murmured. 'And the Museum hasn't twigged.'

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Irate Egyptians demonstrated on the neoclassical steps. Cairo expelled diplomats and began a campaign to 'Repatriate our cultural heritage'

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Irate Egyptians demonstrated on the neoclassical steps. Cairo expelled diplomats and began a campaign to 'Repatriate our cultural heritage'

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The fragments were the cornerstone of fundraising for a new museum wing and centrepiece of an exhibition called 'The Shah and the Shards'.

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The fragments were the cornerstone of fundraising for a new museum wing and centrepiece of an exhibition called 'The Shah and the Shards'.

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In remorse I sent the shards to the British Museum.They detected perfumes that rewrote the scholarship on ancient enfleurage and parfumerie.

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In remorse I sent the shards to the British Museum.They detected perfumes that rewrote the scholarship on ancient enfleurage and parfumerie.

Latest twitter.com/whodunit140 novel. Free! Daily comedy novel

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He scoffed when I said the holiday insurance wouldn't cover a delicate glass piriform phial last used by a hetaera in antiquity. I was right

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He scoffed when I said the holiday insurance wouldn't cover a delicate glass piriform phial last used by a hetaera in antiquity. I was right

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He had once bellowed that apophthegm when I had questioned his use of a precious Romano-Egyptian Unguentarium as a travel bubble-bath bottle

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He had once bellowed that apophthegm when I had questioned his use of a precious Romano-Egyptian Unguentarium as a travel bubble-bath bottle

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He had once bellowed that apophthegm when I had questioned his use of a precious Romano-Egyptian Unguentarium as a travel bubble-bath bottle

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He had once bellowed that apophthegm when I had questioned his use of a precious Romano-Egyptian Unguentarium as a travel bubble-bath bottle

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He had once bellowed that apophthegm when I had questioned his use of a precious Romano-Egyptian Unguentarium as a travel bubble-bath bottle

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He had once bellowed that apophthegm when I had questioned his use of a precious Romano-Egyptian Unguentarium as a travel bubble-bath bottle

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The apartment was full of treasures he seemed not to appreciate, or rather appreciated in his own way. 'Objects must be used or they die!'

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The apartment was full of treasures he seemed not to appreciate, or rather appreciated in his own way. 'Objects must be used or they die!'

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His right hand darted to his exquisite ebony desk, stubbed his cigarette in a Roman libation bowl. A priceless gift from a grateful client.

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His right hand darted to his exquisite ebony desk, stubbed his cigarette in a Roman libation bowl. A priceless gift from a grateful client.

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'This missive...I welcome your thoughts.' He proffered the paper, leaning slightly across the yellow arabesques of the Ushak rug between us.

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'This missive...I welcome your thoughts.' He proffered the paper, leaning slightly across the yellow arabesques of the Ushak rug between us.

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Mere reportage is not in my bag. I'm a Liu Ji-Bernstein-Rasputin mix. N and I are a team, like Hillary and that Sherpa who did all the work.

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Mere reportage is not in my bag. I'm a Liu Ji-Bernstein-Rasputin mix. N and I are a team, like Hillary and that Sherpa who did all the work.

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Even a small oil would be nice, nothing fancy. By Freud maybe, hung in the Tate or amongst the National Portraits.I'm no canonizing Boswell

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Even a small oil would be nice, nothing fancy. By Freud maybe, hung in the Tate or amongst the National Portraits.I'm no canonizing Boswell

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Maybe there'd be enough bronze left for a small statue of me. I usually ask a question that makes N stop, look thoughtful and solve the case

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Maybe there'd be enough bronze left for a small statue of me. I usually ask a question that makes N stop, look thoughtful and solve the case

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'You forget my aversion to rain. This is England...''MPs would surely clamour to melt down tired statues of Churchill and erect one to you'

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'You forget my aversion to rain. This is England...''MPs would surely clamour to melt down tired statues of Churchill and erect one to you'

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If you had half, nay! 10%! of the recognition you deserve, you would be paraded in an open-top bus through Trafalgar Square. Every weekend.

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If you had half, nay! 10%! of the recognition you deserve, you would be paraded in an open-top bus through Trafalgar Square. Every weekend.

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Please Retweet to your followers: Learn English with a daily English twitter novel @whodunit140 retweet rt Thanks very much!

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'She would hardly hire a fictional detective.' I laughed. 'Fictional! Toi! Terry Waite would still be in a Jihadi fridge if you were fiction.

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'She would hardly hire a fictional detective.' I laughed. 'Fictional! Toi! Terry Waite would still be in a Jihadi fridge if you were fiction.

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'What think you of the Foxy Knoxy verdict?'he asked, unfolding the document. 'Is that the case?Have we been engaged to prove her innocence?'

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'What think you of the Foxy Knoxy verdict?'he asked, unfolding the document. 'Is that the case?Have we been engaged to prove her innocence?'

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N flicked his tailored hams over the chair arm, wriggled, pulled a paper from a pocket.He could loll for Britain.He has just the right build

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N flicked his tailored hams over the chair arm, wriggled, pulled a paper from a pocket.He could loll for Britain.He has just the right build

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He was raising money for children with cancer. A. Morrisette would appreciate that.Organisers blamed severe tonsillitis.His wife took to gin

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He was raising money for children with cancer. A. Morrisette would appreciate that.Organisers blamed severe tonsillitis.His wife took to gin

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All the top sleuths love gaspers.'He puffed La Marseillaise in smoke rings.I grimaced.My great uncle died after winning a charity smokeathon

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All the top sleuths love gaspers.'He puffed La Marseillaise in smoke rings.I grimaced.My great uncle died after winning a charity smokeathon

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They met their match!

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test vis pixel

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Try again

eggs

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The old potagain

Will it post

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will this post?

Join the daily twitter comedy detective novel! www.twitter.com/whodunit140

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Yoghurt pot

Delish!

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Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

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'You do remember The Whitehouse Whippet Crisis?' N lit a Gauloise,which was odd as he didn't smoke.'Saw The Big Sleep yesterday.Got inspired

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'You do remember The Whitehouse Whippet Crisis?' N lit a Gauloise,which was odd as he didn't smoke.'Saw The Big Sleep yesterday.Got inspired